


To the Quick

by valisi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 09:58:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10591668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valisi/pseuds/valisi
Summary: Levi and Erwin had an intense argument over a misunderstanding.Content warning for brief mention of child abuse.





	

Erwin parked in the driveway, and Levi opened the door and rolled up the window before Erwin turned off the engine. When he stepped out of the car, he shut the door harder than he intended and leaned against the black sedan. He looked down at the concrete, heard Erwin open his car door, shut it, and start walking up to the house. Dragging on the cigarette, Levi looked down at his polished dress shoes. His eyes were stinging again, and he gritted his teeth harder, trying to stop the tears. He wasn't going to cry over it. Erwin fucked up, he should be the one crying. But if Levi stood there and thought about it too long, he knew he would squat down on the gravel driveway and sob like a little boy.

Levi leaned away from the car, walked around the front, and up the concrete path that led to the house. There was a breeze pushing around the leaves on the trees, and he wished that he could enjoy the time the little vacation they had planned. At the front of the house, Levi saw that Erwin left the door open for him, and he took his time finishing his cigarette. He didn't want to go inside. He didn't want to see Erwin. He wanted to go home, but that wasn't necessarily possible at the time. None of Erwin's friends were going to stop celebrating to come get him, and all of Levi's friends were in another state. He was on his own. 

Taking his cell phone out of his jacket pocket, he checked the time. One in the morning. And they left the wedding at midnight. Driving and arguing had really taken that long. Levi put the phone back in his pocket, dragged on his cigarette, and lifted his gaze to the sky. It had been so long since he had been away from the city that he had forgotten how bright the stars could be. There was a street light giving the front yard a yellow glow, but the stars still shined brightly enough that he thought he might actually be able to count them if he wanted to. When he exhaled, he watched the smoke float through the air and away. He wanted to go with it. 

Avoiding Erwin for the rest of the night wasn't really possible though. Levi swallowed, dragged on his cigarette one more time, and tossed it into the butt can on his way inside. He kept his eyes to the ground, and he stopped dead in the doorway when he saw the trail of rose petals. Levi's eyes followed the trail from the front door, leading out of the foyer, and probably down the hallway to where he knew the bedroom was. He set his jaw tighter, until his teeth hurt, and stepped into the house, maybe stomping some of the rose petals purposely. 

Levi closed the door behind him, locked it, and walked out of the foyer. The petals did go to the hallway, as suspected. And when he looked up, he saw Erwin sitting at the dining room table, drinking champagne directly out of the bottle. A few lamps were turned on, shedding their dim, warm glow through the living room. Instead of turning on the lights in the kitchen, Erwin had lit candles, making the lighting too intimate for Levi's comfort. The dining table was set for two, even though they had already eaten at the wedding. 

Without saying anything, Levi walked over to the hallway, down it to the bedroom, and he flipped the light switch up, lighting a lamp on either side of the bed. He stopped in the doorway. The bed was covered with rose petals, candies on the pillows like they were in some grand fucking hotel instead of a rental vacation house that only got used a few times out of the year. 

Levi slipped out of his jacket and tossed it on the bed, disturbing the petals, and he leaned against the mattress while he took off his dress shoes. Socks were next, tie pulled off hastily, vest and shirt unbuttoned, and he stopped. They had left the bags in the car. So when he got out of the shower, he would just have to put all of it on again. Walking around in just underwear wasn't going to work, maybe not ever again. Levi sighed, rubbed his forehead, and squeezed his eyes shut. 

Rather than taking his suit off quickly, Levi laid it out on the petal covered bed carefully so it wouldn't wrinkle while he was showering. 

Naked, he walked into the bathroom, closed the door, took a piss, and turned on the shower faucet. The water ran rusty for a moment, and he watched the orange water swirl around the drain. If he hadn't wanted a shower so badly, he would have cleaned the tub. But it couldn't wait. He had to wash off the wedding. 

The water was warm enough, and Levi stepped into the tub, closing the curtain and standing under the water. He lowered his head, eyes closed, savoring the warmth. 

Erwin had practically begged him to go to Mike and Nanaba's wedding. The wedding was going to be in the northern part of California, near Erwin's hometown, and Levi was more than reluctant to leave Portland. He felt like it would be too awkward. He had never met Mike or Nanaba even though Mike was Erwin's best friend, and Levi had been dating Erwin for almost four years. But then Erwin said that Mike had asked him to be best man. Levi didn't like plane trips very much, and he didn't want to miss a single day of work during their busiest season. In only a few short weeks, his cleaning business would have to start turning away clients because their calendar filled up so quickly around the time that people considered it to be “spring cleaning”. But Erwin was best man, and Levi definitely didn't want Erwin to go to the wedding by himself. So Levi took off work for as long as Erwin asked, and he and Erwin made a date out of buying their suits, going to a really nice dinner afterwards, drinking too much wine, almost fucking in the car. 

Levi smiled, stretching his muscles in the shower, thinking about that day. He had seen Erwin in a suit plenty of times, but Erwin was really excited about the wedding. The image of Erwin showing the sales person a picture of his phone and saying: “I need this color blue exactly. Not a shade off.” The biggest smiled. Eyes glittering with excitement for his friends. Erwin said that Mike and Nanaba had been together since they were teenagers, and he wondered what took so long for them to finally make it official. 

“It doesn't change anything just because it's legal,” Levi had said. 

“Yeah, but think of the tax exemptions!” Erwin responded. And Levi laughed. 

He even chuckled right then, in the shower, thinking of it. The way that Erwin's chest and shoulders shook when he laughed. How Erwin's voice would fade in laughter until he just sounded like an old man wheezing. 

They were the type of couple that laughed all of time. There was always something to be happy about. Most of the time, Levi felt glad just to wake up next to Erwin. When he was younger, he made bonds with the wrong people, got involved in some petty crime, and only wormed his way out of it when one of his buddies, who had just turned 18, had gone to prison. But he didn't have it as badly as Erwin did. Erwin still had scars from his childhood, from sharp leather belts, a few extension cords, the curve of his nose permanently altered. There was a small patch on Erwin's scalp where hair wouldn't grow back because that one little patch had been pulled too many times, and the follicles stopped trying to survive the abuse. They separated from those lives, from the people who influenced those times, made other bonds, and found each other along the path of recovery, walking with the same limp. 

At Petra's Christmas party four years earlier, Erwin's laugh caught Levi's ear, and he followed it. He showed minor interest, Erwin seemed intrigued. Levi took Erwin home with him that night. He expected Erwin to be gone in the morning, and he wasn't. Erwin called him again, and again, and again. They went on dates. The romance was slow, the sex was hot and fast, the eventual combining of their lives took forever until Levi finally asked if Erwin was ever planning on moving in with him. And they laughed. 

One time, their next door neighbor knocked on the door late at night and legitimately asked if Erwin and Levi could stop laughing so loud. Of course, Erwin sobered up, apologized more than Levi thought was necessary. And as soon as Erwin closed the door, he sank against the door, face red, his lips pressed together to try and stifle the noise. Levi broke into giggles so hard he had to lean against a wall to hold himself up, covering his hand with his mouth. The neighbors thought they were pot heads. The truth was they just wanted to be around each other, all of the time. 

Levi's eyebrows furrowed and remembered that they weren't laughing anymore. And that's why everything hurt. 

Erwin looked so handsome standing up at the altar between Mike and Nile. Levi squirmed when Erwin winked at him. And he had trouble not laughing when Nanaba started walking down the aisle, Mike started weeping, and Erwin had to pat Mike on the back a few times before he could calm down. From the blush in Erwin's cheeks, Levi could tell that Erwin was having trouble not laughing too. 

The reception was less emotionally charged. Lots of alcohol, good food, celebration music. Levi mentioned several times that he really liked the way Erwin's friends partied. He considered himself a quick judge of character, and that had proven true this time. Mike and Nanaba were charming. Simple and just generally decent people. Mike didn't say much, and Nanaba filled up the silence, telling stories that had everyone in her area laughing or shocked, depending on what she was talking about. They were good together. 

But Levi decided rather quickly that he wasn't a fan of Nile. Nile didn't say much either, but he seemed to be quiet because he couldn't find anything nice to say, not because he was satisfied like Mike. And Marie, Nile's wife, filled up the silence with scandal and bullshit. 

Which was why it was such a twist of the knife when Levi found Erwin and Marie kissing that night. 

He winced at the fresh pain, breaking the skin again by even just thinking of the image. 

As soon as he saw lips on lips, he turned around, putting his back to the scene. He heard Erwin say something, but he couldn't decipher the words over the loud screaming in his head. The pain came first, and the rage stormed in behind it, coating his vision with red, blurring the sound in his ears, until Erwin touched him. 

Levi didn't lash out. He pulled away from Erwin's hands, pushed until there was enough space between them, and walked out of the reception to their rental car for a cigarette. Erwin followed him, not closely, and without words. And Levi finished his cigarette, while Erwin sat in the driver's seat of the car, waiting. Cigarette finished, Levi and Erwin left the reception without a goodbye to anyone, and Levi hoped he would never see any of them again, including Erwin after the night was over. 

Leaning back out of the water, which was now cold, Levi wiped the water from his eyes and opened them, looking around the tub. There wasn't any shampoo or conditioner provided, but there was a fresh bar of soap in a plastic wrapping, and he used it to bathe off. The soap was horrible, but he was spoiled. Erwin liked keeping homemade soap in their shower at home. Lemon and lavender. Homemade soap made a better lather, it was smoother like a lotion, and the soap in the rental house just made Levi's skin feel dry. But he used it anyway, to try and wash off the betrayal that stuck to him like syrup on china. 

Turning the water off, Levi pulled the curtain back, scrubbed at his skin with a towel until it was pink, and he dressed in his slacks, forgoing underwear, his undershirt, and socks. 

There had been enough time. They needed to talk it out and get it over with. 

Levi walked down the hallway, not surprised to still see Erwin at the table, slumped over an empty dinner plate, neck of the champagne bottle strangled in his hand. 

When he heard Levi, he sat up in the wooden chair a bit further, attentive with what might come. Levi walked past him, to one of the cabinets, took a glass, filled it with tap water. He drank some of it, and he liked the taste. At home, their tap water tasted like ass without a filter, but out in the country, water didn't taste so bad. Setting his glass on the counter, Levi turned around, gripped the lip of the counter for support and looked at Erwin. 

The look in Erwin's eyes, dead with defeat, made his stomach flip. His eyes were glassy, and Levi didn't want to think about why they looked so wet already. But Erwin wasn't actively weeping, and Levi wanted to say that Erwin was drunk already rather than believe he had sprinkled tears on the dinner plate. 

“I swear that it wasn't how it looked,” Erwin said. Levi's jaw tightened, trying to contain what he knew would fall out eventually. “She kissed me, Levi. I'm so sorry.” 

“If you didn't do anything wrong, there's no reason to say you're sorry, right?” 

“That's not what I mean,” Erwin said, quieter. “I'm sorry that this happened. I was too excited about the wedding to recognize Marie's behavior.” 

“So you didn't notice that she hugged you a little too long with her hands in the wrong place, or that she hovered around us like fucking vulture, and that she laughed when you said the stupidest shit?” The pot was threatening to boil over. And Levi didn't want to hold it back anymore. 

“Levi, I'm sorry. I didn't think anything of it,” Erwin said. 

“Maybe I would've thought something of it if I had known that you were fucking her before she married Nile!” 

“We didn't-” 

“You didn't fuck her? Why did I have to find out that you two dated from her then?” 

“I'm sorry-”

“I thought we had talked about everyone!” 

“Marie and I were never serious, Levi.” 

“You're saying that you didn't fuck her but she still looks at you with those giant 'fuck me' eyes, and how she bites her lip when you say absolutely any kind of bullshit!” 

“We never had sex, Levi. We started talking. But then I found out that Nile was talking to her too. Nile was more interested, and I backed off.” 

“How fucking admirable of you! Way to keep up the bro code by kissing his wife years later after he's already married her and you decided to change your mind!” 

“Levi, she kissed me! I'm telling you the truth!”

“She kissed you?” 

“Yes!” 

“Why? Because she's the one that got away? That would be really fucking romantic wouldn't it! She sees you with a man and thinks that she must have turned you gay! Which could be true, I don't fucking know! But she decides that she better fix her big mistake and convert you back to the pussy team, right? So fucking tell me all about it! Did the magic girl kiss fix all of your gay problems, Erwin?” Erwin looked up, making eye contact then. 

“Stop it, Levi!” 

“Fucking truth hurts, huh?” 

“Levi, I don't know what else to say! I'm telling the truth! She kissed me, and I didn't want her to! I don't want Marie anymore!” 

“Okay! Okay, so let's pretend the she kissed you and that you fucking hated it then!” 

“I did hate it!” 

“So why, Erwin? Why the fuck would she do that?” 

Erwin reached into his coat pocket, pulled something out, and practically slammed it on the table. When he took his hand away, in the dim light, Levi saw that it was a small, blue velvet box. A ring box. 

And Erwin slumped down farther in his chair, jaw set tight, staring at the box as if it had caused all of the trouble in first place. He pulled his eyes away from it and stared down at his hands in his lap, pushing at his cuticles. 

Levi stared at the ring box, eyebrows lifted and slightly pinched together in confusion and shock. And he didn't want to know why that box was in Erwin's pocket. Because it was going to hurt. 

“Marie is the type of person who likes to have several options available,” Erwin said. He stopped, lifted his eyes to the wood of the table, and Levi thought he could see Erwin grinding his teeth, frustration and anger pushing him to his limits. “She's always been that way, but I didn't know that she still had me on her back burner, Levi. I thought we were past that.” Erwin paused, and Levi couldn't even process the words. The ring box stopped everything. “But when I told her,” Erwin lifted one of his hands, gesturing at the little box.

Levi gripped tighter to the counter, trying to hold himself up. Directly after the shock and surprise came anger. Erwin shouldn't have told her. He shouldn't have told anyone until he asked Levi. But Levi knew that wasn't right. Erwin loved sharing good news. It's what he did, and asking him to stop was asking him to not be excited, not be his typical extroverted self. Erwin loved people, and Levi had seen people take advantage of that before. Marie was just the most recent. So he dropped his gaze to the floor and stared at his socks. He dug his toes into the hardwood floor, stretching them out until they hurt, trying to find something to focus on besides Erwin's embarrassment and devastation. 

“I shouldn't have told her,” Erwin muttered. The guilt settled in Levi's stomach so fast that he thought he might vomit it up, and he didn't say anything. He was thinking it, and Erwin had read his mind. Erwin had a way of doing that. Their thoughts were scarily similar sometimes, and most of the time, Levi liked that. But in the rare instances that they were fighting he hated it. 

When Erwin pounded his fist against the table, Levi looked up, not startled, just concerned because it sounded like it might have hurt. But Erwin slid his chair away from the table, stood and walked over to the couch in the living room. He picked up his suit coat from the couch and slipped his arms into the sleeves. 

“Where are you going?” Levi asked. 

“To get more cigarettes,” Erwin said. 

“I don't need them.” 

“Yes you do,” Erwin said, walking into the foyer and out of Levi's sight. Levi stared at the empty space, and when the front door slammed, he closed his eyes tightly. He took a deep breath, held it, and released it slowly, opening his eyes again. They instantly settled on the little box on the table. 

Levi held tightly to the kitchen counter because he knew what would happen if he let go. But it might be the only chance he had to do it. It would be selfish to do it. If he didn't want to know so terribly badly, he would absolutely refuse to do it. He let go of the kitchen counter anyway. 

He stepped over to the chair where Erwin had been, and he sat down, pulling the chair closer to the table. When he was settled in his seat, he stared at the box, giving himself and opportunity to not do it. To not open it and let Erwin decide what they should do when he came back. 

Levi picked up the little box. He opened the lid, slowly, until the spring hinge forced it all the way open with a pop. Even in the dim light, the thick platinum band glimmered. The single square diamond set down into the band was a reasonable size, and it didn't outshine the metal of the ring. And Levi had to sit back farther in the chair to stop himself from falling out of it. 

He knew all of the details about the ring because it was exactly what he asked for over a year and a half ago when Erwin had “hypothetically” asked what Levi would want in an engagement ring. And Levi corrected him quickly, saying he didn't want an engagement ring, he wanted all of the money to be spent on the wedding band. One ring was enough. Erwin agreed that he thought so too, but he described his own perfect engagement ring, probably just to throw Levi off the trail. They had a lot of conversations like that. Hypotheticals that may or may not lead anywhere. But Erwin had remembered everything. 

The ring in the box was masculine, and beautiful, and expensive without being loud. There was only one detail that Levi still needed to see. So he put the ring box back on the table and carefully, so slowly, removed the ring from it's little slot, and held it up to the light on its side. 

And there it was. On the inside of the ring was engraved: 

_To The Quick_

“Oh my God,” he whimpered, gasping for breath behind the words. Levi closed his eyes, hung his head. Without looking, he put the ring back in the box and snapped it shut, pushed it away. He leaned over and rested his forehead on the table, clenching every muscle in his body to stop from falling apart. The whole night had been painful, but nothing compared to the full body ache that he felt as soon as he saw the engraving. 

The phrase had come early one morning, before the sun rose, while Erwin's head rested on Levi's chest. They had caught their breath, and Levi was ignoring the feeling of sweat running down the back of his calf because he wanted to stay with Erwin just a little longer before he had to get up and shower. For some reason, Levi had a habit of waking late in the night, and he would wake Erwin up by putting his mouth on Erwin's skin. He liked starting with Erwin's neck, and he would work his way down. Typically by the time he made it to Erwin's belly button, Erwin was half-conscious, and he would feel of Levi's skin with his fingertips. In the morning, before sunrise, fucking moved slower for them. It was much closer to making love than anything. Slow, careful, in the dark, without words. 

After one particular frenzied morning, Erwin had said: “You cut me to the quick.” 

Levi furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding. 

“What?” The silence lasted long enough that Levi wondered if Erwin was talking in his sleep. 

“That first night, at Petra's party,” Erwin said. Levi ran his fingers through Erwin's hair, definitely wanting to hear about it. “You know when you cut your fingernails too short, and it hurts, and it bleeds a little?” 

“Yeah.” 

“That's like you,” Erwin said. “You cut right through all of it. You didn't have time to try and seduce me. You found me, you stayed around me, we talked a little bit, and you asked me to go home with you. There wasn't any performance. And I knew that we would just have sex, and I would go home.” 

“Mmhmm,” Levi said with a smile. 

“You dressed like you were poor, and I was a little disappointed that you actually lived in a nice apartment.” 

“Asshole,” Levi muttered. 

“I know. I'm sorry,” Erwin said. “Honestly, I went home with you because you looked wild, and I thought you would be good.” 

“That's alright. If you had been small, I would have kicked you out,” Levi said. 

“Huh,” Erwin said, probably amused at the idea of Levi asking him to leave at the sight of his cock. But both of them vividly remembered the reaction to seeing Erwin naked for the first time, the sound of Levi's knees hitting the floor. 

“Why did you stay?” 

“When I woke up the next morning, I didn't want to leave,” Erwin said. “You cut to the quick.” Levi smiled in the dark, even opened up his eyes to stare at the small amount of light pushing past their curtains to prove that the sun was going to rise again. 

“I think that's the most fucked up way I've ever heard anyone explain love at first sight,” Levi said, chuckling. Erwin laughed against him. 

Levi lifted his head and looked at the ring box on the table. The stinging his eyes blurred his vision, and he sniffled, reaching up and wiping the tears off his face. He sniffed again, picked up the box and opened it. Erwin had been so careful, and Levi smiled at the ring, wondering how long Erwin had obsessed over the details. Had he remembered them exactly, or had he recorded them somehow? 

When he took the ring out of the box again, Levi looked at the engraving and admired it, eyebrows pulling up and together, suddenly fearful that he would never get to actually wear it. He had said so many shitty things to Erwin. And there was no reason to not trust Erwin in the first place. All of the pain and the instantaneous betrayal was firmly attached to Levi's fear that Erwin would leave. Erwin would find someone better looking, who didn't curse as often, who didn't instantly jump to anger when injured, and he would leave. 

Levi turned the ring around in his fingers a few times. Then, without really thinking about it, he slipped the ring onto the finger where it would have gone if he had the opportunity to say yes. He pushed it down, slowly, notching it into place under his knuckle and looked at it. 

Perfect. 

And possibly unattainable. 

He wiped more tears away from his cheeks with his right hand, and then, without looking he reached to take off the ring. Levi was able to pull it only a millimeter before it stopped moving. He frowned and looked down at his hand, pulled again. Stuck. 

“Are you fucking serious?” he whispered, almost laughing. He sniffled again, laughing at himself, his stupidity of putting on the ring at all. He continued to pulled, but it just hurt and threatened to pull his finger out of socket. “Fucking kidding me,” he cursed under his breath, laughter shaking his chest. He felt ridiculous. 

Levi stood from the dining room table and walked over to the kitchen sink to put dishwasher liquid on his finger. There wasn't any by the side of the sink. None under the cabinets. The refrigerator was empty because they weren't planning to get any groceries until the next day. Suddenly, a week of vacation right after a wedding made since to Levi. Erwin expected that they would celebrate for a few days and want to relax before they went home.

He was standing in front of the closed refrigerator door when he heard Erwin open the door to the house. Levi put his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the ring, and when he looked at the table, he saw that the ring box was still open. He closed the box, trying to put it back where he thought Erwin had left it. 

For some reason, Erwin was lingering in the foyer, and Levi walked around to the chair next to where Erwin had been sitting, and he sat down at the table, picking up the bottle of champagne with his right hand to take a drink. 

When he heard Erwin's footsteps, he tensed. But Erwin didn't say anything. He sat back down in the chair where he had been earlier, and put the bag from the convenience store on the table. There was more in it than just cigarettes. 

Erwin took a pack of cigarettes out of the bag and a new lighter. He set them next to Levi, reached back into the bag, and pulled out one of what must have been ten ice cream bars. Erwin unwrapped the strawberry shortcake ice cream bar and bit the end, chewing it. Levi picked up the champagne bottle again and drank. 

Then, when he set the bottle down, Levi picked up the new pack of cigarettes and opened them under the table to hide his hands. There was an open packet in the bedroom, in his coat pocket, but he wanted the ones Erwin bought for him. He lit a cigarette with the new lighter and dragged, exhaling slowly. 

“How many roses did you have to behead to get all of these petals?” Levi asked. There were even petals scattered over the dining room table. They were everywhere in the house. 

Levi looked at Erwin, saw that half of the ice cream bar was already gone. 

“I bought three dozen,” Erwin said. “Mike helped me do it this morning before we started to get ready for the wedding.” Levi nodded. 

They had stayed with Erwin's friend Dot Pixis the night before, and Erwin had claimed that it was because the house was rented to someone else for that night. But Erwin had actually just wanted to get the place ready. Levi was alright with that type of lie. Maybe it wasn't even a lie as much as it was a surprise. 

“Nile called me while I was out,” Erwin said. Erwin finished off the ice cream bar and took hold of the champagne bottle again, tipping it back for two swallows. Levi stole a glance at his left hand under the table, ashed his cigarette into the dinner plate in front of him. 

“What did you tell him?” Levi asked. Erwin set the bottle back down and started digging around in the plastic bag for another ice cream bar. 

“The same thing I told you,” Erwin said. Erwin unwrapped the ice cream bar. Levi took another drag. After the first bite was swallowed, Erwin stared at the ice cream, disgusted, and dropped it on the dinner plate in front of him, smearing chocolate against the rose petals. 

“Was he pissed?” 

“Yes,” Erwin said. Levi reached over to the champagne bottle with his cigarette hand and drank. When he set the champagne bottle down again, Erwin had leaned over the table, head in his hands while Levi's eyes were closed. 

“Does he believe you?” Levi asked, but even with all of the malicious tone gone, it still sounded like a challenge. Erwin just nodded. 

“He was crying,” Erwin said. Levi dragged on his cigarette hard enough that he heard the paper at the end burning. 

After gathering up some of his courage, Levi switched his cigarette to his left hand, and he put his hand on Erwin's bicep. Erwin didn't wait to see if Levi really meant it. He took one of his hands away from his head, and laced his fingers with Levi's squeezing, asking for some sort of comfort. Erwin leaned on one elbow, rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. 

“He mentioned getting a divorce, but I don't know if he'll actually do it,” Erwin said. Levi nodded, dragged on his cigarette again, not afraid to show the ring anymore. The night had been fucked up. Trying on the ring didn't seem so crazy in comparison to the rest of it. “He said Marie wasn't like this when we were younger, I don't know what happened to her.” 

“I thought you said she liked having back burner investments.” 

“I guess Nile didn't notice,” Erwin said. “Or ignored it. But he's right. When we were younger, she wouldn't have done something like this.” Levi nodded. 

“What did you like about her?” Levi asked. Erwin closed his eyes, stopped rubbing his forehead, legitimately appearing to be trying to remember. 

“I thought she was beautiful,” Erwin said. “And she was kind. She laughed a lot. Generally looked happy to be around other people.” 

Levi dragged on his cigarette. He didn't have any of those qualities. Around Erwin, he did laugh a lot, but in public he looked generally disinterested and grumpy. That's the way his face looked, and he didn't know how to change it. So Levi squeezed Erwin's hand, trying to hold onto the remorse that he felt. When compared to Marie, Levi didn't feel attractive at all, not physically, or emotionally, or mentally. She had long dark, thick hair and ice blue eyes that were honestly stunning. She laughed too loudly, and she and Erwin seemed to have a lot in common if the conversations at the wedding reception were any indication. 

“People change,” Erwin said. “Nile needs to grow up.” 

Ashing his cigarette into the dinner plate again, Levi bit his bottom lip. 

“I need to grow up,” Levi said before taking another drag. 

Erwin opened his eyes and looked over at Levi, not taking his forehead from his hand. Levi looked at him, saw that Erwin's eyes had settled on his left hand, noticing the ring finally, and Levi hoped that Erwin could see him blush in the low light. But Erwin must have seen it because he squeezed their hands tighter together. Levi exhaled smoke, tapped his cigarette out in the dinner plate. 

“I'm sorry, Erwin.” 

Erwin closed his eyes, and Levi hoped that Erwin wasn't going to start weeping in front of him. But he didn't get the chance to hope for long because Erwin lifted his head from his hand and started brushing at his face with his finger tips. 

“I'm sorry for what I said, Erwin. I would take it back,” Levi said. He paused, staring at the spent cigarette in the plate, laying on top of the rose petals. Trash on beauty. 

“I called Hange to come get me,” Erwin said. Levi's eyes darted to Erwin. “She's probably too drunk right now, but I hope she'll be here sometime before morning.” 

“Don't go,” Levi said. Erwin opened his eyes, searching Levi's face. Levi shook his head, pulling Erwin's hand closer to him. “I believe you.” 

“We should probably take some time, don't you think?” 

“No,” Levi said. “I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. I know you wouldn't do that.” 

“It happened so fast that I don't even know what you saw,” Erwin said. Levi shook his head, took his hand away from Erwin's, feeling to sensitive to touch anymore. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it. 

“I was headed to the bathroom. I turned the corner. I saw her mouth on yours,” Levi said. He dragged on his cigarette.

“Didn't you see me push her off? Or hear me tell her to stop?” Erwin asked. Levi shook his head, dragging again, feeling a tremor in his hands that wasn't there earlier, the adrenaline finally easing. “I'm sorry, Levi-”

“Stop apologizing,” Levi snapped. “If you didn't do anything wrong, stop saying that.” 

“I've never seen you like this before.” 

Levi dragged on his cigarette, staring at the first cigarette butt still laying in the middle of rose petals. He exhaled. 

“Well I've never seen anyone else kiss you before either,” Levi said, the anger rising in his voice again. He tried to keep it under control. 

“Specifically a woman?” Erwin asked quietly. It was a fair question considering all of the things Levi had said earlier, but he shook his head. 

“Doesn't have to be a woman,” Levi said. Levi paused, trying to think of what he wanted to say to show Erwin why he responded so quickly, with so much anger. “It wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't look like that.” When Levi glanced at Erwin, he saw that Erwin's eyebrows were raised, but he looked back down at the dinner plate quickly and dragged on his cigarette. 

“Like what, Levi?” 

“You know.” 

Erwin didn't press any further. Levi believed that Erwin knew exactly what he talking about. Marie was gorgeous. 

Erwin grabbed the champagne bottle, stood from the dining room chair, and walked out of the dining room over into the open living room. Levi didn't look at him, just continued to smoke his cigarette. He glanced over at the plate where Erwin had left the ice cream bar and saw that the chocolate was flooding the petals, weighing them down. 

Levi didn't turn around when he heard Erwin set the champagne bottle down and go out the front door. At first, the panic surfaced that Erwin was going to leave, but that wasn't like Erwin. Erwin said goodbye even if he was angry. And Erwin did come back into the house after a few minutes. Levi didn't look around while he heard Erwin walk back to the bedroom. 

He swallowed, thinking about what he had said. And he was glad Erwin wasn't around to see him internally panic. Levi felt like he had revealed too much. For as long as they had been together, Levi tried his best not to ever let Erwin know how self-conscious he felt about the way he looked. Being short sucked, but he wished that he could at least give a decent smile. In pictures, when he tried to smile, he just looked distressed, like he was glaring into the camera and baring his teeth whether than genuinely happy. 

Levi had to admit that he was naturally a little jealous. Even if Erwin complimented the looks of an actor, a complete stranger behind a screen, Levi felt like his insides squirmed. The actors never looked like him, and he didn't feel like he and Erwin were on the same attractiveness level. Erwin was gorgeous, tall, big, blond hair, blue eyes, great smile. For a long time, Levi didn't care, but the longer the stayed together, he felt that insecurity start to grow, which seemed to be the opposite for what happened with most people. 

Stereotypically, relationships were supposed to become more comfortable the longer that they lasted, but Levi had eliminated all of that initial discovery phase by fucking Erwin the first night they met and announcing his shit schedule the next day. Levi didn't hold anything back, and he put all of his quirks up front. No feet on the coffee table, put the toilet lid down, use a coaster, clean the hair out of the sink, forks don't go there in the drawer, shoes off at the door, stop holding the refrigerator door open. And Erwin would just laugh, or kiss him. 

All of the newness, and therefore awkwardness, had been sucked out of the relationship, and that made Levi feel more unstable the longer they lasted. There were few discoveries to make, and he was afraid Erwin would get bored. Even after four years, Levi still wondered if Erwin would realize one day that he could do better and go get it. And after their fight, after the things Levi had said, he was worried that he had finally pushed Erwin in that direction.

When he heard Erwin walking back down the hallway, Levi took one more drag from his cigarette before he crushed it. That's when it occurred to him that Erwin might have taken Levi's things back to the bedroom to be unpacked, but Erwin was coming back to say goodbye. Hange could be there soon, and Erwin would leave. 

Erwin walked back into the living room, and Levi thought he heard Erwin pick up the champagne bottle again. Actually, Hange could already be outside, and Erwin was about to walk out the door. 

Erwin walked back to the dining room. Levi finally looked up when Erwin walked over to the table and stood right next to Levi's chair. Erwin looked down at him, seemed to be a lot calmer, and even looked like he was thinking about something. The suit coat that he had been wearing was gone, and Erwin had rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up, exposing his forearms. Shoes were gone, but he left his socks on. Erwin wasn't wearing a facial expression, and Levi imagined that he still looked pissed off himself. 

“Come here,” Erwin said. Levi pressed his left thumb against the ring on his hand, feeling of the cold metal. 

Levi stood up from the chair, and Erwin took a step back to give Levi enough room to step away from the table. Erwin grabbed Levi's shoulder and pulled him close. Without waiting, Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin's middle, buried his face in Erwin's shirt. And Erwin put his hand on the back of Levi's head, brushing his fingertips against the undercut. 

When Erwin started to pull away, Levi tried to hold on, but Erwin pushed at him a little harder, and Levi gave up. He tilted his head back and looked up. Erwin smiled down at him, the corner of his lips turning up softly, while his gaze ran over Levi's face. 

Levi didn't have time to prepare himself before Erwin leaned down and kissed him. But he closed his eyes and tilted his head all the same. Erwin framed Levi's face with his hands. More unexpected than the kiss was the sense of hunger behind it. Erwin overwhelmed him, leaning forward so hard that Levi had to take a step back, and Erwin stepped forward walking him backwards. Levi's ass bumped against the edge of the dining room table, and he leaned against it, trying to get an upper hand and push back, while pulling on Erwin's shirt, trying to keep him in place. Then, Erwin bit his bottom lip so hard that it hurt, and Levi grunted against it, starting to push at Erwin, telling him to back off a little. 

Erwin broke the kiss suddenly, and Levi opened his eyes, saw the darkness in Erwin's eyes and it gave him a shot of heat to his cock. 

“You're the only one I'm kissing,” Erwin said. Levi felt his face change, to defiance, not happy that Erwin had brought it up again. “If you'll wear that ring, you'll be the only one I ever kiss again.” 

Levi tightened his grip on Erwin's shirt. 

“You're mine,” Levi said, knowing that he was glaring. Erwin nodded. 

“Show me,” Erwin said, his gaze dropping to Levi's lips before meeting Levi's eyes again. 

Levi let go of Erwin's shirt and pushed him backwards. Erwin stepped back, but he grabbed Levi's wrists and pulled him forward, taking him along. Levi practically leaped from the floor to get to Erwin's mouth again, and Erwin took advantage of the moment, grabbing Levi, picking him up. Levi pulled on Erwin's shoulders, lifted himself up, wrapped his legs around Erwin's hips. He put his mouth against Erwin's again, parted his lips, forced his tongue against Erwin's, wrapping his hands around Erwin's neck, scratching the soft undercut with his fingernails hard enough that Erwin groaned in his mouth. 

Erwin started walking, leading them back to the bedroom. Levi couldn't pay attention, he was too busy trying to catch his breath while not separating from Erwin in the least. But he had to surface for air when he felt Erwin stop walking. Levi barely opened his eyes, looked down at Erwin, and looked around where they were. The bedroom.

“Put me down,” Levi said. Erwin let go, and Levi slipped down the floor. He grabbed Erwin by the shirt and moved him over to the big bed before pushing him down on it. Rose petals floated up into the air. Erwin let himself fall backwards, and then adjusted on the bed so he would be laying in it the right way. Then, he started undressing, throwing his clothes off the bed haphazardly. 

Levi unbuttoned and unzipped his slacks. He pulled them off, folded them in half, and threw them over the back of the sitting chair in the room. His shirt and socks came off next. When he looked around, he saw that Erwin had brought their things in from the car. There was lube already on the nightstand. That's what Erwin had been doing. Levi picked up the lube and put it next to Erwin's left hand. 

When they were both undressed, Levi crawled up onto the bed, and Erwin puts his hands down by his hips. He knew what was going to happen, and that made Levi smirk a little. Levi straddled Erwin's chest, and he leaned forward, putting his hands under him, lowering his cock over Erwin's face. 

He felt Erwin's tongue slid up against the underside of his cock, and Levi let a gasp escape. If Erwin wanted more than a gasp, he would have to work for it. Erwin bent his elbows, and reached up to Levi's hips, pulling Levi down a bit farther. Levi looked down, realized that he wasn't positioned just correctly, in his excitement, and he settled a bit farther back. He saw Erwin take the head of his cock into his mouth. Levi closed his eyes, shuddered, allowed his mouth to gape open. 

Slowly, he sank his cock down into Erwin's mouth, biting his bottom lip so hard he thought he might break the skin. He felt some rose petals crush when he gripped the sheets, making fists. Erwin's tongue massaged the bottom of his cock, and Levi pulled his cock out of Erwin's mouth a bit before he pushed back inside. Erwin kept his teeth out of the way except for slight grazes, and Levi focused on feeling of Erwin under him. 

When he pressed in farther, Erwin moaned, and Levi whimpered in response. He didn't press very deep, worried about choking Erwin, but Levi did start a rhythm. Levi's head sagged forward, and he let the small gasping breaths and desperate noises fall from his mouth. He wasn't very loud, but he felt good enough that he would come if Erwin let him keep going. 

Once Levi opened his eyes and looked down, watching while his cock sank into Erwin's mouth, and Erwin's eyes were closed, clearly enjoying it. At the sight, Levi groaned, closed his eyes, knowing that he couldn't look at it for very long without coming. 

He stopped moving when he heard the lube bottle open, and he felt Erwin's arms moving as slightly as possible under him. Levi waited patiently while Erwin spread his cheeks with one hand, and started slicking him up with the other. Then, Erwin pressed the tip of his middle finger against Levi's opening, and Levi relaxed. The first finger was easy, easy enough that Levi started thrusting into Erwin's mouth again, enjoying the sensation of a finger inside of him with his cock in Erwin's mouth enough that his eyes rolled back in his head for a moment. But Erwin wasn't being patient. The second and third finger were added much faster than the time they normally took. 

With three fingers, Levi stopped moving completely, satisfied with the feeling of Erwin's tongue on him and Erwin's fingers spreading inside of him. He did wiggle a few times, trying to get Erwin to brush against his prostate. Rather than brushing against it, Erwin found it and started circling his fingers against it, stretching them. Levi thrusted down into Erwin's mouth once. 

“Shit,” he breathed. He opened his eyes, and Erwin seemed to be alright except for being a little flushed that usual. Levi swallowed, and Erwin started to pull his fingers away. 

When Erwin's fingers were gone, Levi winced, hating the empty feeling. He didn't wait any longer to take his cock from Erwin's mouth. Erwin put his arms back down next to his sides, and Levi pushed against the bed lowering himself down Erwin's body. Once he was past a certain point, Erwin pulled his arms out from between Levi's legs, away from his body, and took Levi's hips in his hands. He guided Levi down to his cock, and Levi opened his eyes when he felt it against him. Erwin was harder than usual, and when he looked at Erwin's face, Erwin already looked fucked out, pupils blown wide, face and chest flushed a deep red, gasping for air even though he hadn't been touched. 

Levi reached behind himself, pressed the tip of Erwin's cock against his hole and pressed down. Erwin's eyes closed tightly, and his back arched from the bed. Levi tried to keep his eyes open to watch. He sank down an inch farther, felt the way Erwin's fingers dug into his hips, and Levi lifted up, as if he was going to pull away. Erwin grabbed him harder, holding him in place, and Levi waited. He was aching to be filled, but he wanted Erwin to do it. Levi tried to lift up again. 

“Levi,” Erwin breathed. He lifted his head, opened his eyes just barely, chest still heaving for air. 

“Hmm?” Levi asked, with a smirk. Erwin smirked back at him, catching on to it. Laying his head back down, Erwin tried to pull Levi back down, and Levi resisted. Rather than trying to pull Levi down again, Erwin suddenly lifted his hips from the bed, sinking into the hilt. 

Levi gasped sharply, grabbed hold of Erwin's forearms, holding tightly because he suddenly felt lightheaded. There wasn't much burn left, but Erwin had hit him deep and was throbbing against Levi's prostate. 

“Fuck,” Levi whined. “Fuck, Erwin. Do it again.” 

Erwin slowly lowered his hips back down to the bed, and that left Levi supporting himself on weak knees, trembling. When Erwin lifted his hips from the bed again, Levi actually bounced on his lap. He couldn't sit upright even while holding onto Erwin's arms, and he fell forward. Erwin caught his shoulders, pulled Levi close to his chest. Levi moaned against Erwin's chest when he felt Erwin twitch inside of him. 

Wrapping his arms around Levi, Erwin rolled across the bed until he was on top. Supporting himself on his elbows, Erwin slid back from Levi and thrusted forward, hard and fast. Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin's middle, feeling of the scars on Erwin's back, pressing his fingernails into flesh so hard he thought he would break skin. Erwin didn't choose a rhythm. He moved his hips erratically, shaking the bed, and Levi held onto him. 

Levi opened his mouth, wrapped it around one of Erwin's hardened nipples and sucked. Above him, Erwin stopped moving for a moment, groaned so loudly that it vibrated in his chest, and Levi bit him. Levi heard Erwin growl through his teeth, and he released the bite, dragging his nails against Erwin's skin. 

When Erwin started moving again, Levi leaned his head back on the bed, arched his neck, gasping for air, opening his eyes when Erwin pushed into him particularly hard with surprise and pleasure. Erwin buried his face against the crook of Levi's neck, bending almost in half, but just fucking into him harder. 

“Erwin,” Levi choked. He felt Erwin reached between them, and the hand, still slick with lube, wrapped around his cock and started stroking just as erratically as Erwin was thrusting. Overwhelmed with fast and hot sensation, Levi dug his heels into the bed and shut his eyes tighter, moaning while the heat rushed out of him, spreading between them. 

When Levi started to go soft, Erwin let him go, supported himself with his hands instead of his elbows, and increased the pace. Levi opened his eyes, just barely, and watched Erwin's face, tight with concentration, chasing the orgasm down, and Levi lifted his head from the bed, licked Erwin's nipples encouraging him. Erwin started shuddering on top of him, and finally, Levi felt the burst of heat inside. Erwin pressed into him a few more times, and Levi continued to lick, trying to his best to show the affection that he had wanted to share since he put on the ring. 

Erwin stopped moving, panting for air on top of Levi, and grabbing the bedsheets and rose petals in his fists. 

Levi took his left hand away from Erwin's back and brought it between them, reaching up, pushing Erwin's hair out of his face. When he felt it, Erwin leaned into Levi's hand, kissing his palm, licking the ring and Levi's ring finger. 

“You're the only one I'm kissing,” Levi said between heavy breaths. His face still in Levi's hand, Erwin opened his eyes just enough so Levi could see a bit of much darker blue, and then Erwin smiled appreciatively before he pressed another kiss into Levi's palm. 

“You're mine,” Erwin said against his skin. “And you're gorgeous.” 

Levi swallowed, believing it because Erwin said it. Erwin told him the truth, always. 

“I love you to the quick,” Erwin said. He took his face away from Levi's hand and leaned down, pressing his lips to Levi's, gently taking kisses from him, and Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin again, holding him down, close enough to never get away. During a breath, Levi opened his eyes, looked at Erwin on top of him, mussed blond hair, adoring blue eyes. 

“To the quick,” Levi said against his mouth.


End file.
